here's what sucks: low and behold, i still end up walking home by myself. AND my dad doesn't want to drive me TO school this year.. so that should be a fun. i also have a ton of homework, and i can't think of anything unique about myself. blah. why does school have to start like full force already? and i didn't even have 2 periods of it today. i am so wiped out.

sigh.

so i guess the point of this was to whine some more :)

i'm sure you're loving it.

i have not yet decided whether or not i like my classes.. or the people in them. i'm just basically whatever about it all. i'm bummed that i don't see a lot of the people i would like to be around more. i'm already feeling withdrawal.

breakfast was good. we had a fun table. and i always like my #1.

we took a forever long trip to caribou in rocky river by walgreens. and then we went and drove around lakewood, killing time until the inevitable end of summer. thanks dave.

maybe tomorrow i'll have a better impression of my classes. i'm tired.. and i have to get up toooo early tomorrow. BLAH! hopefully my alarm will be effective or something.. because i have no idea what happened this morning. yikes. i need to do some MAJOR reading. eek. i'm getting worried about not knowing the other books i actually read enough to take a freaking test. argh. oh well!!!

my eye is kinda red.. and apparently pink eye has been going around on my street. please NO. hopefullly it is going away. scary!

i don't know what to even say about anything. i miss people already.. which is weird.. but i guess normal or something. when barnstormers starts up again hopefully that will be good. and everything. yeah. i'm glad i see leah in a few classes. and jill. but yeah. enough of this thinking junk.

somehow tonight i have very little energy to do much of anything. so i guess i'm just going to say that i feel a bit better today. i helped with the barnstormers bulletin board today, and i went shopping with my family. i got some clothes, and some supplies. i guess that makes me feel a little better about school. a little. like maybe i'm a little prepared now. i still don't know what i'm going to wear.. i didn't really get any cute shirts, i have pants, but no shirts. so don't expect me to be cute. i know you don't expect me to be cute ever, but don't expect me to be wearing anything great. whatever, why am i even talking about you expecting crap. you don't expect anything of me as far as my attire. maybe you expect me to be fat and ugly, so i'll be living up to your expectations tomorrow. BAH!!! i'm stopping that little psychotic cycle.

i don't have the energy to recap my summer. it is all a blur. i think i had more fun than i thought i would though. like seriously, i went into this summer scared of being alone, and i don't think i can say that i was alone. in some departments i was alone, but for the most part, it was much better than i expected. oh great, back to expectations. GREAT EXPECTATIONS! hah. too bad i didn't have to read that one this summer.. i had to read sister carrie, which i did not succeed at. i think i'm going now, off to bed. or something. damn its early! hah. goodnight all.

i feel like i should write about things.. because i need to be writing.. i have that feeling inside where i know that i have to be writing or expressing.. and i'm sure this won't fill that void inside of me, but its a start. i've written down a few lines that came to me recently.. so maybe i'll write sometime soon from that. but yeah.

i wish sooo desperately that i could kill the pain that causes my friends so much hurting. i wish i didn't feel so distant from them when they're in pain and i can't help them. i wish i had the words to express how much i love them. i wish this dark contagious depression wasn't surrounding us all. i hope i can hold onto these people i hurt for and with when school starts. what if it all changes back to the hell i had last year? what if i lose you all? i'm starting to cry just thinking about it.

what if this year i'm totally enclosed in this hatred i feel when i'm around my so-called friends? i can't handle tonight. i can't deal with seeing the girl who can dish it out, but when i reply to that, she can't tell me how she feels anymore. she can just make me feel like shit by ignoring my presence. tell me how you fucking feel. i'm sick of it! i'm sick of being with "friends" and feeling like the one thats not in on the secret. feeling like i shouldn't be around. and you hate me. you all can't stand me. i'm the dirt you walk on. despite the encouraging conversations i have with you seperately... you treat me like crap collectively. i guess i'm just never going to be good enough. i'm sorry. i feel like shit.

and then there's the girl that makes me see RED hate and disgust, like she never has before.. because of the pain she ensues. i hate it. yeah you wear your little black dress and skip along while people are crushed again and again. i've never felt like this when i've seen her. never.

i'm scared but i need this crappy summer to end. i'm so scared. i'm soooo scared. what is going to happen? am i going to feel okay? am i going to actually be able to handle everything? am i going to be smart enough? am i going to be talented enough? are my classes going to be okay?
am i going to be able to enjoy the company i have? am i going to have friends? i'm so scared. i feel so unprepared. i have nothing to wear. i have no supplies. i need my planner. i need a planner. i need a planner. yes, i am the biggest dork ever. why am i not excited in the least?

why do i still feel like crap?

today was an okay day.

kinda disappointing for me. actually really disappointing for me.. but i'm trying not to let it get to me that i missed out on seeing the movie with my kevin smith buddies. i'm just soo majorly bummed. but i'm trying soo hard to not be upset about it. dammit!!! okay enough of that. no more whining because as i learned from one of my dearest buddies (hah), i like to whine about things that aren't really anything. hmph. i'm just a little depressed about it.

and it just kinda brought my day a lot lower... and just yeah. i'm just feeling low. and i'm worried about my friends. and i want to not be feeling like this right now. and i'm just sad and scared of school.. and just everything. i wish i saw that damn movie. siiiiigh. i wish i had someone to fix me right now. HAH. damn this mood.

jana's diary.

i just want to express my respect for this girl for a moment. first of all, she expresses things that are so true to my life and i'm sure many many others floating around lost out there agree. secondly, she is one of those rare people that are just so damn nice to me and strive to include me when i am miss quiet.. and thats so refreshing. jana, i hope that you know that you are an incredible person and you make a difference in my days. thank you. you kick ass.. and people do see that, maybe someday you'll see a glimpse of that too.

okay.. i'm done for now :)

i miss the excitement of feeling desirable in the least. the very least... but i had a taste of it once or twice. a small taste.

i forgot how much school sucked. i remembered last night when i went to say hi to someone who was in my class, talks to my friends, and even reads my blog.. and i was just completely looked over. that sucks. and that my friend is the school i forgot about. this makes me even more apprehensive about the football game tonight. which i will be attending in a few short minutes. sighhh...

today i worked on my room some more, and i've been listening to elton john's love songs. it's sort of half depressing me more.. but you know thats how love songs go.. hah. he's a genius.

i have a new screen name.. but yeah, if you care enough email me or something and i'll give it to you.. maybe sometime soon i'll put it up on here or something. i'm undecided as of yet. but yeah.

i'll be going now.. gooo rangers. HAH. blah.

i'm just tired right now.. i don't know what to talk about.. or what to say. argh.

i love my cousin. she just randomly ims me occasionally.. and today it was a perfect time for me to get to talk to her. she just said goodbye to people at home and is heading back to college. we had a conversation about her friend this summer, ang. i talked about him in an earlier entry when i was up there visiting. the thing that i completely enjoyed about that kid was that he said things that you didn't think he would say and they were just strangely perfect. i remember he said "you guys just like something about each other" in reference to a her and a guy they knew. something about that just gives me chills. its so simple.. yet.. perfect. he's one of those people you come across that makes you feel like all is right with the world. its so nice to know that people like him are out there in the most horrible places of life. because he's out there. there's not many people that can make you feel that peace.. if just for a few moments.. that everything will be okay... thank you...

and tonight, i'll just be content with that.

"some things words just can't explain" like the way i'm feeling right now. haha.. if you know where you can find that little quote there in print i'm impressed with you. but yeah.

i have this massive pit in my stomach. i want to be with people.. i want to be alone.. i want to be alone with just one person.. i want to disappear.. i want to be on stage. i am a mess of contradictions.

you know how i was the strong one? you know how i could handle it all? somehow that changed for me so much this past year and i'm left wishing i was a good friend to people. and that i could be strong enough to support the people that support me. i'm not being enough.

i want so badly to have you in my life. i want so badly to be around you. but i don't think i can hold onto it. i can't possibly be worthy of being something important to you.

sigh.

the problem with having "friends" (hah, dave) is everything somewhat substantial that i would write about here i've already talked about once.. or something. i'm tired but not? yeah.. i don't know.

when i first came online tonight i was lost and sad and just having one of those worrying about everything times. but now, i'm lost but strangely okay with that. ack. what is that about?

today was.. kinda lazy. i had to babysit my siblings, which forced me to stay home all day.. and also clean up vomit. "did taking care of me all day make you tired, valerie?" this is a reason i love my brother, eric.. and all of my siblings.. because they have their sweet moments. and i guess i'm starting to adopt the motherly not minding cleaning the puke up because you love them and they can't help it.

i hung out with jill and michelle this afternoon. y3k.. g2k.. whatever. we got some coolers (michelle is finally done trying and hating each flavor!!!) and went on over to record exchange where i got 7 cds: paula cole this fire, ben folds five whatever and ever amen, city of angels soundtrack, waiting to exhale soundtrack, space jam soundtrack, shawn colvin a few small repairs, and stroke 9 nasty little thoughts. i think i did pretty damn well.. sure.. some are retarded-ish.. but i'm happy with my new cds and the fact that i only paid $7.70 for them. yay!

my dad got me a new printer today. FINALLY!

i babysat.. made the above amount of money. so i'm even! hah.

sigh. i guess i'm smiling. dedicated to all the wonderful "friends" i have. :)

i don't know.. things are weird. i really don't know.

so today was a lot of barnstormers crap. i think we accomplished a lot though, which is good. sent letters.. did some artistic crap.

we went to the place to be for breakfast/lunch which was cool.

hm. i really don't have too much to say. hah.

i want to go to the ocean!

today was a soccer day. ah, back in season. here we go!! it was different though because it was my youngest brother's tournament and not scott's. scott was actually not even around. my dad is in rare form when this stuff finally starts up again. i dunno.. mad family time. we went to lodi for lunch and then we went to the gap outlet. i got two like plain tshirts, a blue and a purple and some jeans and some cords. cept the problem is the cords are like olive green. what do you wear with olive green pants. argh. i'm so skeptical about them. but yeah.. it was a long day.

i'm so out of it/in a bad mood/grouchy. i better just stop.

well i guess today was a good day. i'm happy now, which is rare.. so it was a good day.

during the day i didn't do much of anything, worked on my room some more... watched tumbleweeds on encore which was surprisingly enjoyable. ate some gross oatmeal.

when my parent's got home we went to holcombs and baker's square for pie. exciting.

saw moulin rouge tonight.. which was AWESOME. i had some fun with amy and jeremy.. oo! i still have those cookies! snack time! but back to moulin rouge. that was a great movie. completely mesmorizing.. just awesome. wow, the music was incredible. ewan mcgregor. SIGH!!! i just.. singing.. just yeah. geeez. i need to see that movie like a million more times.

amy and jeremy walked me home, how sweet. jeremy whining about having to pee and then when they got here they tormented my dog. exciting.

i came online tonight and i actually had some good conversations. maybe thats why i'm in a good mood.. very rare. thanks dave for making me feel good about everything for a while there. that was really nice of you. :) pretty damn awesome.

goodnight all. "it is so damn late"... HAH.

i realized today my neck and upper back area is very ticklish and vulnerable in the shivers department. hah.

babysitting was great.. no big deal. only like 3 hours, but i got 20 bucks cash, which is nice. and they're fun.

i watched this movie.. enemy at the gates i think it was called... when i got home. it was very interesting. jude law was like the star dude, and he is very good looking. i must say. it had this strange love interest thing going on.. the sex scene was very strange because it was in a war camp in stalingrad where all the snipers slept on the ground next to each other. so they were all quiet.. yeah.. it was interesting. hah.

maybe someday i'll be outgoing when someone cool is online. riiiight. maybe i'll just watch them be online like i always do. yummy. or something...

well i'm off to babysit at 6pm. calls at 5:30pm asking me to babysit at 6pm. thats the kind of last minute stuff i wish i wasn't on the working end of. but i like to babysit and i get money so its all good. maybe i'll end up cracking that sister carrie while i'm there. yummy! hah.

my dad bought me a bookbag today. its just like my old one.. new model.. slightly darker in color. he called me to warn me that he thought it was the same one.. and well it is. so he took me back to see if i could find a different one, and i couldn't. i'm as boring as my dad thinks i am! dammit! haha. no, i liked my bookbag.. so no biggy. its new and has some different features so life is grand. riiiight.

i hope i can go see moulin rouge this weekend at the detroit. i really want to see that movie.. and i missed it when it was in regular theaters... so i'm willing to subject myself to the lovely detriot. plus, its $3 and right up my street. i just need to get someone to go with. yeah.

i also need to majorly finish cleaning my room. but i feel like i made progress. which is good. my brothers going out of town this weekend! woo! haha.

we went fundraising for a long time today. sold one ad. bah.

well i'm sure i'll be back later.

i cry when i think of the fact that people that once meant so damn much to you can write you off in a second and hate you forever.

today i cleaned my room. sort of.

i cut my finger on the candle i got for being a student asst director (or whatever the hell i was) for the king and i. it was already broken, so it broke off a little more and cut me. its really gross.

so today was pretty uneventful besides talking to a couple of people i wouldn't normally talk to.. considering i hardly talk to anyone.. but you know.. hah.

each of my siblings has someone sleeping over tonight. it's a real treat. i'm sure its going to be even more fun tomorrow. woo.

i don't think any schedule is that great if you think about it. like big deal. they all would be horrible to me. bah.

csilla sent me "spoon" in hungarian.. that may have made my day. thank you so much!

hm. maybe more later. if anyone ims me tonight :p.

well here's my horrible schedule:

1st: drama - gannon
2nd: ap english 11 -comienski
3rd: speech - gannon (1st semester)/ self-direct (2nd semester)
4th: concert shithouse.
5th: spanish 4 - sosnowski
6th: lunch
7th: adv. pdm - sedlak
8th: ap chem lab -m/w (2nd semester friday too).. .self direct -t/th/f
9th: ap chemistry - edwards

oh well whatever. can't change anything now!

and just one thing.. i didn't "hire" anyone. they did that on their own time.

hmmmm. well yeah. might as well be the devil's advocate in saying that the line from that move involves "two people" and sometimes that just isn't the case. as painful as that is. so maybe trying doesn't work if the other person isn't really into it. look at it this way:

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."
-Anon.

and don't jump to any conclusions about who this is directed towards and what it means. i have sincere hopes that he returns for you leah. for others... i think they never were.

but enough of that shit.

today was just long and tiring. i think i'm going to bed way early tonight.

i got up early for the meeting thingy. and then fundraising some more!

karrie finally got some girl clothes. after 100 hours of me and kiera in the battlefield, we finally won. that was too much shopping for me for a bit. except of course if its school supplies.. or something uninvolved like that. actually, i wouldn't mind if it involved me getting new clothes for school. but yeah.

i helped my mom with a class dilemma when i got home. it was fun. hah. yeah. it's wierd to be busy and gone all day again.. like it feels unnatural even though thats pretty much how school works for me. but yeah i don't know.

i wish i had random guys to talk to online. bah. that whole i can't bring myself to im anyone thing.. yeah. oh well.

phone number converted into words! - okay this is soooo fun. hahah. see what words your phone number makes!!! mine makes like nothing good.. but i had some fun with other people's numbers.

yeah, today was looong. we went fundraising. it takes a lot of time.. like wow, there goes the day! we made some money though, which was good. we still need a lot more though. we went to caribou to celebrate a full page ad sale (haha). it was fun. cept of course when i called to "check in" at home only to find it was 8:30pm and i was supposed to babysit at 8:15pm. i'm such a slimball. my parents weren't too pissed at me which i was worried about so thats good. i also found out that this block that i write in on my new and improved layout was RED on PCs. GROSS!!! and here you all thought i was a crack head because i loved my layout so much. well i like it the way it looks now for y'all. finally. damned PCs.

valerie is suddenly attacked by exhaustion. the end.

tonight i paid lonely karrie a visit. dave ellsworth came! haha. karrie's friend michelle also came. it was fun. good people. good times.

i don't know.. yeah. what the heck? this year is kinda starting to scare me a little. just like how's it gonna be? when you don't know me... hah. yeah. i'm scared of football games and homecoming and drama class and barnstormers and the comedy and whatever other clubs i decide to be in this year. i was thinking the phoenix? and definetly key club. ahh.. i don't know! am i changing my schedule again!? will i actually have a date to a dance? what am i going to be doing!? argh. i'm tired of thinking about it.. and the aprehension built upon the fact that i have so much stuff to do before school starts.

hah, we should all go and have a party in new zealand guys!
i've always wanted to go to austrailia... hah. in my dreams.

i got this thing in the mail today about people to people student ambassador program... which i guess is what tessa went on this summer? but anyway.. i got it for next summer.. and yeah. it really excites me. i know that i probably won't even go to the information meeting. but something about leaving here to discover austrailia and new zealand for three weeks on my own, and just seeing things that i will probably never see in my lifetime.. excites me. wow. i really want to do things out on my own and discover and learn and see. like that was my thing with camp.. and now this. i won't ever get to do either of them.. but i will probably always have this desire.

Kellogg's Big Pick

we want powerpuff girls to win... but the voting is messed up or something because stupid dexter's lab is winning. we gotta change that shit! go vote!!!

yeah i am pretty confusing.. sorry.

i think i actually like this layout a lot. i made the last touches today, and it looks good.. i'm proud. and it only took me 4 hours. haha.

the little girls i babysit for said i looked like the girl from princess diaries "before she brushed her hair". haha. yeah i'm a dork.

for some reason i've been thinking about children's names... like if i had them. this is something that never in my life have i even begun to consider (having children)... i don't know what has gotten into me. i like the one syllable girls names lately. like jane and anne. i think i would go with the "e" on the end because its a first name... 4 letter theme or something. for some reason i like the guys name sasha. i had another one for boys but i forget it now. i always liked maria for girls too.. but that kinda defeats the one syllable thing i like a lot. maybe anne maria. hah. i'm ending this name babble now.

alas, i should post to represent my template masterpeice. hah. GAG.

today was very uneventful. i basically sat around. home alone. something just kept me from doing ANYTHING. i'm officially lazy. i only have like 2 weeks left for that so why not right?

yeah. i wanted to be doing something. like i think i can say that today was the first day of severe boredom for me this summer. thats amazing that it came so late in the summer! i'm impressed. jill came over for about an hour or so, we had some chinese. so it wasn't all that bad.. but she came really late.

sigh, i don't know what to think anymore about compassion.. and what not. i don't like the whole gossip/coming out of the woodwork that goes on when something scary happens. sure, caring is good. but people have really shitty ways of demonstrating that care. and that just makes me want to vomit. don't pretend you're up on everything and you're so close with people and you're friends with them after you fucking ditch everyone and everything. fuck that. fuck you telling people about things you have no idea about. where were you?

ugh. i don't know anymore. i want to get things done. i want to be with people who don't hate me. and who are real. i want you to tell me whats pissing you off. i want to have fun. i want to work hard. i want things to start. i want things to stop. let's go.

life is just so freaking bizarre. geeez. what the hell?

today has been humbling for me.

first shale country in cancun, mexico. sure, it wasn't as deep of an experience as some things.. but it just made me think about what matters and what doesn't and what makes situations worse... for no reason. i hate how i'm always guessing with some people. and it just depresses me when it comes to selfishness and the endless torture that results from things we can no longer control. don't get me wrong, i'm a tremendous advocate of talking about things and fighting if need be but having an outcome of that is the key. changing for the better as a result. it just depresses me. damn. i don't know anymore.

i got home and read karrie's blog and seriously started freaking out. car crashes scare the hell out of me. major flashbacks. seriously. i'm so rattled by just hearing about it. i'm so glad they're all okay. i can't even put it into words. why are things like this thrown at us?

i talked to karrie right before i had to go babysit.. because i had to talk to her. and then i went. i found the 1981 cinema there.. it was very strange to see mr. loeffler, ms. cure (her first year at lhs), mr. hock, mr. pettek, ms. sergeant (aka mrs. leickley), mr. bowen, mrs. wightman, mr. stup... 20 years ago. they haven't gone anywhere. i have no idea where i'll be in 20 years. geeez. trish was a junior. the latin teacher was a senior. just weirdness. soon the life i have now will just be in a crappy yearbook nowhere else. i wish what i had in my yearbooks, scrawled in the pages.. meant something real to me. i wish they were fact. damn. its weird. today i read what matt wrote in my yearbook freshman year again. and all of that shit.. everyone. i don't know. what the hell.

just give me dick and all will be right with the world, right alana? HAH.

no but seriously. what is going on. just whyyyyy?

so today kinda sucked. i accomplished like nothing good.

but, before i go to bed, i can say that i did have some nice late night conversations. i like being imed. its a very nice thing to do. it makes me happy.

"lack of support leads to lack of self esteem, lack of self esteem leads to lack of ambition, lack of ambition leads to lack of talent" - steve waitkus. he shared some impressive philosophy with me tonight. thought provoking. surprising.

dave imed me, which was very nice. yay for talking to him. restoring simplicity to life, with the insanely thoughtful and nice and very rare dave.

karrie can now rejoice, heather imed me as well. we talked. the anti talkers shared a conversation!

since i'm linking everyone i mention for some reason, i might as well mention a few more people.

today didn't work out with leah and jillian in seeing julia unfortunately. just overall depressingness.

alright, i'm tired of this.

hey, how come i didn't get any sexy/flirty guys responding earlier?! hahahaha.

looks like i'm home tonight. i don't know how to deal with it. scary, my entire family being up and around. its very strange. blah.

bah. i'm so pukey. i like don't want to leave the house today at least this afternoon. but i think i am visiting the cunninghams... but who knows. i haven't bought anything yet, which i think i supposed to be doing. maybe i will go through old pictures and yank out some memories or something. heh. its really weird to think they're going to be gone. like they've been a part of my life for a very long time.. although julia hasn't really been my friend recently, they're one of those families that has been there for me in the past.. i don't know it just makes me think about the major changes that will be happening in these next couple of years.. and it makes you realize what matters and what doesn't. i hope i can remember that this year and such.

so yeah. i guess tonight's online theme is guys. and wanting them. damn. lonely. want sexy flirty boy that likes fat/ugly chicks. hah! good conversation would be nice too. excite me. damn. they're all out of my league. (stupidtwosoccerboys).

anyway...

today was fun. i met rodrigo, very nice kid. played some survivor. very much failed to survive. but its all in good fun. what were you thinking? heh. got some free coolers and went bowling in a jackass outfit. i'm so glad we found the cool kid congregation spot. bah. had my first boca burger. never ever! flashbacks! waaaah!

i hate when i'm like twice the size of everyone i'm with. i feel so large. i am so large. gross.

wow i want this year to be fun. and full of long overdue firsts. hah. yeah right. i just want things to be good, and go well. we'll see... i can't even fully grasp school's starting. maybe i should pick up that last and tormenting book. riiiiight.

and on a final note, i repeat: want sexy flirty boy that likes fat/ugly chicks. good conversation would be nice too. excite me.

"i want a boy"

hmmm... i don't know.. i'm restless again. sometimes i just get to this point where i have all these wishes and wants that never come through and i'm never satisfied. but then, i guess, no one is really fully satisfied.. but anyway, at sometimes that feeling in me is much more potent. like now.. i have no idea whats happening around me anymore.. and i'm starting to get stressed about school starting. augh.

it's so weird. going back to school is going to be so weird. geez.

i just wonder about my friends.. and which are still my friends.. and which are just memories.. and which will be my future... (listen to me all prophetic. hah. gag me)

some i haven't talked to in awhile, and i miss them. i'll see them out and about and just wonder how they're doing.. and just wonder if the reason i haven't talked to them is that they just don't want to have any part in me anymore. like for instance, michelle. i haven't talked to her in forever. i don't know why.. i miss her... and them

others that things were just left hanging for me. that sent email that never got a reply.. etc. and i'm just lost.

and then theres those that i just wish i was closer too.. wish i had a more open line of communication with, and ability to get to know them better. i hear about them, and care about them, but.. i don't know.. i just hope that i can get to know them better and they are around more as well, because they're really fun. hah.

and then there's the strange blasts from the past... who knows where that's going. but its fun. i like it. i guess. who knows?

haha, i'm so not making any sense! woo!

i just want so badly that deep connection with someone, anyone... that conversation, that excitement.. i'm so jealous of that! gr!

hm. on another thought, i hate when people don't give people a chance, and we just clash. gr. what the hell does that kid hate me so much for? and then i find myself getting snappy.. which is never good but blech! just discomfort.. bah. thats probably the most prominent reason i left so "early". argh.

today was good though, i suck at reading and shit but it was fun still. of course i go out of the house on the hottest day of the summer. of course! hah. i had a carmel cooler, yummy. and some chinese. yummy. good stuff.

hmm.. i guess i should just end this now. later days. (i have always thought that was so cool to say.. but i could never really pull off saying it.. so why not? i'm not "saying" it anyway. hehe)

well, in case anyone was worried, i am alive. i haven't been online like i am usually.. and i haven't posted either.

last night leah slept over, it was good. we saw steve w. driving and that was.. strange. i hadn't seen him in so long. it was nice.

i'm really sick today. like mass illness. i threw up, i have horrible allergic crap, and i went to the doctor and got all kinds of crazy medication. so maybe soon i won't feel so shitty. i hope. i'm going to sleep or something. lay down at least. blech.

yay! my posts are showing up again. woo.

today was six flags. i really dislike that place. i'm sorry, but it seriously represents so much about what's wrong with our society. blech. it was fine until like 2pm when everything with the company ended, and we went to "enjoy the park" HAH. not fun. never go to an amusement park on a saturday voluntarily. trust me.

the best part of the day was by far when i got a Prang art kit!!! karrie you're so jealous. no markers though, hahah. it has pastellos (chalk), colored pencils, watercolors, watercolor brushes, drawing pencils, 3 different erasers and a huge sketch pad. and i got it for free. yay for that. dinner was good too.

i woke up from a nap at 9:30pm and i'm still exhausted..

the ingredient is lobster! something normal on IRON CHEF? what?!

last night was the kevin smith sleepover, it was fun, no chinese but there was ice cream and plenty of other junk food. we didn't end up watching Dogma, but i was pleased that we got through the first three flims. i enjoyed them very much. it was fun to see all the links and such between them.

we went to sleep at about 6am and i woke up at 9am for karrie, who slept in til 9:30am when i woke her up again. she left with catherine, and i told my mom i was going back to sleep and next thing i knew the phone was ringing and i ignored it and then pulled out the cord eventually. my brother came and told us amy's parents were on the front porch waiting for her, and my dad was on the phone saying that they had been calling all afternoon... turns out we slept til 2:30pm. yikes. i feel bad, now amy's parents won't let her come over ever again i know it. :( oh well.. we got some much needed sleeping in.

so my day was pretty short.. having amy and heather leave by about 3 or something.. and i took a shower and then my dad asks me if i have any plans tonight. i didn't, so i ended up helping out with soccer crap at his work again. we went to the owner of ohio premier's house first, rocco, and we had to sit there for a while. he and his wife are very nice. then we went to burger king because all i had had was a bowl of honey nut chex and it was approaching 8pm. and then i was at my dad's work til about 9:30pm. and then we came home. oh it was a hell of an exciting friday night. woooohoooo.

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in this week's entertainment weekly:

-an article about blogs which i found amusing. some guy has one pretending to be snoop dogg. haha. they interviewed the cocreator of blogger.com and he said "so many are written for just themselves and their three friends and their mom." that made me laugh. i don't know why exactly, but it did.

-"at last! the 10 summer movies worth seeing", including two i definetly would like to see: O the controversial update of shakespeare's Othello, and Ghost World with thora birch described as "a teen comedy for adults or an art film for teenagers". also in this article: THE OTHERS. no mention of protazoa boy however.

-ENCORE (last page brings back something of the past) about Pink Floyd The Wall which opened on August 6, 1982. i love this movie. simply mesmorizing film. love it. highly recommended.
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tomorrow i head to six flags way too early in the morning, and i will slap on my loving eldest child smile for a day of fun in khaki shorts.

this is probably the last thing i should be doing, but who can resist an operational blogger.

yesterday i read outside and burnt my thighs. they hurt. i went shopping with my family for an outfit for my dad's company picnic at six flags saturday. we have to look nice to impress everyone or something. so i got some khaki shorts.. and shirt. bah.

beth frimel called me yesterday too, and she wanted to go to a movie.. i can't imagine she has any fun with me, but it seems like she doesn't have too many people to call or something. so we went and saw america's sweethearts... which wasn't anything i really expected.. it wasn't that bad, i thought i would hate it. it was actually sort of amusing and funny. julia roberts and catherine zeta-jones look nothing alike however, julia wasn't even that fat in a fat suit and billy crystal's crotch was an unnecessarily apalling joke. i love john cusack. i loved the "life is a cookie." hahaha. so it was entertaining. woo.

it was an out of the ordinary day.. spent with out of the ordinary people. very interesting.

i talked to jill as well, which was nice. i miss her! reading about it in her blog and talking to her about it on the phone makes me kind of wish i was able to go to camp this year. i've wanted to go to camp forever, and it sounds like a great experience. i'm so happy for jill though, that she was able to get things out of it on her own and be happy. and healthy baby! :) YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. that is all.

i should probably stop now, and continue to clean my damn house.. cause its SOOO dirty. (sarcasm) my mom. sigh.

Bloggle: 2001: A Coffee Odyssey: Brewed Fresh Daily somehow this crazy obsessed person makes me crave coffee.. and suddenly i have the desire to bake biscotti.. i don't even like biscotti... hm.

today, i pretty much hung out with my brother.. and around the house stupidness. i'm kinda feeling a little sick. i did my chore, yippee. my parents are so pleased. i took my little sister to the library. she bought me an ice cream cone, aww how sweet. they didn't have the damn movies on the shelf. i was upset! i kept thinking dude, they're sitting in that bin on the other side of this checkout table. you know they're all together cause what three different people would take out clerks, mallrats, and chasing amy.. i was surprised they even had them at the library. but i guess i spoke too soon, since they really weren't there. i just don't want to spend money if they are even available at the friggin library. whatever. maybe i'll go back HAHA. or just wait for my dad to give me money. my brother and i played some you don't know jack, which was pretty entertaining for my tuesday night. and i guess that would be all of my excitement. hah.

my mom caught me watching days of our lives. "like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives" she said mockingly. i don't ever watch it all or anything. i think its funny. i prefer old school 90210s.

its funny how the day can be filled with so much excitement and things to do yet it can also fly away having accomplished nothing.