Heeeeyyyy yooouuuu guuuyyys....

Well the end of my shit rainbow that is March indeed had a pot of gold. Excellent!

I had a purely exhilirating (haha) weekend. I said to Nick on Friday that the weather was the kind that made me feel like I should be doing more with my life, living it up somemore... and even though the temperature changed DRASTICALLY, I was able to live it up lots. Peace... so wonderful. It's truly amazing how one person can fuck one up so much and then in the same day take the weight of the world of one's shoulders. Beauty.

I saw Narnia at Liz and Ned and Aubrey's church all 3 days. I'm truly a loser. But I don't regret that at all... I enjoyed it all 3 times in different ways and it was great. I managed to fill my weekend with many other endeavors as well. I went to Pizza Hut, the Hiltys, Common Grounds, my house, Heinen's, prom shopping, Caribou, my house again, driving, lots of my house..., Tops and home again at last.

I don't think I've ever seen so much happen at my house in my life. Spoons galore, Frank's ghetto, Pizza drama, Twisterman, dancing, cramming into my bathroom, lots of scary parents, WORD, this is like college!, ahhh so much fun.

I really enjoy all the sophomores save stupid Jake. I will miss them so desperately.

I came out of this weekend with tons of memories... Narnia stuck in my head... a prom date and a potential prom dress... great jokes... and all of my art supplies in a bag with a strangely decorated spoon...

I still feel bad about my dog. I'm sorry to all.

It's fourth quarter and it's time to party... YEAHHHHHHH!!!!

3 more worthwhile facts:

1. The point is, there is no point. Who needs points?

2. A circle goes 'round and 'round. Until you stop the circle, you never get anything you really need to experience.

3. I am moody. Good and bad, step right up, see it all.

3 worthwhile facts:

1. I never make sex proposals.... at least... not intentionally... er...

2. Julia got voted of American Idol. YAY!

3. Everything is overrated 'cause success will not be found within these walls.

What is love? If love is this then was it love when...? What is happiness? How can you stop caring? Is it how your parents brought you up that makes you that way? Or is just natural? I am supposed to date when I know that it will be quick and perfect, or is there any way of knowing that? What is a real job? Can I ever really regain what I let go once? How do I know if I'm choosing the right destination for the right reasons? When does it matter if I'm doing the "right" thing when it comes down to living? Why was it so possible for them? What I am I supposed to do next? Why bother?...

It's quite easy to spend a good couple of hours rattling off life's mysteries in forced rhetoric. For some reason, it just feels right to utter such quandries at this moment, yet, they remain bafflingly incomprehensible.

And in conclusion, after an evening of asking so many questions that we could not possibly answer...

Is growing up knowing all the answers to these questions, or just repressing the questions once and for all?

The neglect never ceases does it?

Well I had a KICK ASS TIME in Toronto. Thank goodness... I was so worried. Every show was better than I expected it to be, I had so much fun for almost every moment... besides the scary scary CN Tower and my almost literal kick ass time. I went up to the highest part of the CN tower though!!! Go me! Mamma Mia rocks my world. Mysteriously Yours Dinner Theater was good food, good laughs, and good neck nibbling fun... hehe. The League of Nathans was truly amazing. As I said to a friend, One of those shows that makes you happy to be a little speck in the theatre world and leaves you aching for more.

"Fucking Canada and it's no fucking light switches" -VK
"Well I'll have 3 boys in my bed in the cabin" - LG
"I need a line!!!" -SR
"Did anyone want something to eat?" - LL
"Can you define, "hungry kiss" pllleeeease" - MB
"Did we hear Cosmo? We're addicted" - LF
"I wonder how many guys I can get to bite this off my neck" - VK
"Yeah you know" - PH
"Am I me?" - KG

... ahh... I could go on forever...

And The Question Game will reign forever! Muhahahahahahhahaha!!!!

I'm cold and not wanting to go to school... but what else is new. I love you all.

And so the adventure continues...

Is it really an adventure? I hope so. I need it to be. I need to feel the wet exhale of something surprising me from behind or the sudden hault of a speed bump in my way.

And so the Buddha shares his peace, and all WILL be well with me. Crazy... nah, it's just a matter of acceptance and coping with the self imposed idiosyncracies that allow us to believe we're not as normal as we should be, or not as alive as he or she who is our own vision of perfection. Personal perfection. I suppose this is my own expression of gratitude... you can print this out if you want... haha. My realm of existence feels a little more comfortable for me now, and I think I can deal with where I am in the grand scheme once more.

Away away from the scattered abyss that is vocabulary and meaning of life... I'm going to Toronto in a day. I'm going to choir contest in less than a day. I hope hope hope I have a good time. I hope hope hope it works out for me. I hope hope hope I can get things put back together.

Fuck, man, I have a refreshing new strength. Who would have thought after all that pot.

Wish me luck in my endeavors. May I not get annoyed. May I not get jealous. May I not get caught up in my own crap. May I laugh. May I smile. May I feel great.

I have some crappy ass parallel structure on this here blog. Blackie would puke all over me.

You know when your one foot/leg falls asleep and you have to get up and walk somewhere? It feels like one leg is going to let you fly and the other one's holding you down on the ground.

If that isn't a life metaphor, I don't know what is.

Mwahhahahaaha

I'm so selfish. I hate that about me.

What do I offer you? A whole lot of nothing. I need you desperately to IM me, call me, talk to me, tell me things, invite me places, drive me around, offer me advice, cheer me up... ugh.

No longer floating, now smashing my forehead into the jagged cement in hopes of making artistic cuts. Floating was so much easier, wasn't it?

I'm fat, discontented, lonely, depressed, and going through the motions. But confident and happy all the same. A walking contradiction as we lovingly refer to ourselves... ah, feels so great.

I need enrichment. Talk to me, I miss that. Movies, I miss those too. Use me, I miss that the most

Agitated mostly I am. Bloated mostly I am. Brain fucked temporarily I am. It'll all be better in the morning.

I love you.

Fickle comfort steals away
What it knows
It will not say
What it can
It will not do
It flies from me
To humor you.

Capricious peace will not bind
The severed nerves
The jagged mind
The shattered dream
The loveless sleep
It frolics now
Within your keep.

Confidence, that popinjay,
Is planning now
To slip away
Look fast
It’s fading rapidly
Tomorrow it returns to me.

"Changes" by Maya Angelou