How much do I hate curly hair on humid days? A whole lot. Ewww.

I saw my brother or sister for the first time since Thursday when I got home from school today. They were cute. Eric actually said he missed me. He asked me why I wasn't home when they got home on Monday. He said "It really sucks that you're not going to be around because you'll be working"... or something to that effect. Lisa and I fixed some of the houses on The Sims. She ran across the street while I was there babysitting to give me an update. Scott was all nice and stuff, playing games, joking around with me. Shining moments that make me love my siblings. Rare night in my house I suppose.

I love how we did absolutely nothing in school today. What a waste of time.

Who even cares if I keep this stupid entry going... I don't.

So I suppose I'm too shitty to be on this A list eh? Thanks.

Well, work yesterday was fun. It's a really nice place... everyone there is fun and nice and everything... yeah. I don't have to work again til Monday.

This morning I did some grave decorating. That was also fun. I guess fun isn't the word, it was hard work, but I felt really good doing it. Cemetaries freak me out a bit... not in a scared sort of way, I just become very somber about the whole thing. So I'm currently in that funk. Hmph.

So somebody call me, IM me, email me, come get me, fly me a bird, write me... and we'll do something. Okay? THANKS. YEAH. I'm bored. And fat. I ate so much at the Veteran's Hall thing. Bleh.

I suppose news of the day for me is I got a job. Sweetwater Landing... I start tomorrow at 5pm. It's a big relief to have a job, I'm actually excited to start.

I wanted to go to the orchestra concert tonight but I couldn't go because I have to stay with my sister. Hmph. Next year I suppose. I was so excited too! Hah.

I managed to suck it up on 3 tests today... but yeah, school's sweet and all that jazz. I can't wait til it's over. Please BE OVER. AHHH.

It still hasn't hit me that the seniors are leaving us. Ugh.

Well... better do some homework, yippeeeee

Tonight, I was prompted with the realization that I eagerly make myself feel like vomiting.

Okay, that makes sense. Hah. Well, here's the story. I watch movies like an addiction... and I just enjoy them to the core. It's really quite foolish. Today, I watched some quality sappy ones. I have this problem where I'm fully aware that these movies were created to attract teenage girls who believe in fairy tales of love and life YET, I watch them. And I willingly fall into the trap. Movies are some quality escapism aren't they? For the record, once the movie is over I immediately revert back to pessimistic world views. Anyway, I watched Never Been Kissed for the first time. The saddest part of this movie is that I felt like the stupid nerd Drew plays that's 25 and never been kissed. That will be me dammit. I hope I meet a fucking hot English teacher to rock my world... alas, sarcasm is prevalent in that useless wish. That guy was pretty damn sexy though.

So today, I napped and watched three movies and I went for a long walk. Oh, I did a shit load of homework too. I'm kind of foul-mouthed huh? That's no good. Who wants a fat bitch that swears anyway? Any takers? Hehe.

Sleep is important too.

I have slacked a great deal on this blog here. As if anyone cares, I might as well post again.

I think I'm addicted to sleep. I do it all of the time. I went to bed before 11pm last night (ahh... why do I have no life to speak of?) and woke up after 8 this morning, and then I got home from church, ate, and took a nap from 1 to 3. What is wrong with me? I think sleep is the coping mechanism I try all to frequently without much substantial amount of evidence that it is effective... but a twinge of success that keeps me coming back for more. Every says they're tired, it's one to the top 3 excuses/whines/complaints so why not sleep. Maybe it will do some good one day. Right. I long for being someone who can go all day, nonstop work work work happy happy energy yay! But alas, I am not one of those people. I suck at that stuff.

Somethings missing but I'm content without the search.

lllllllllater...

It's quite interesting how well I can misrepresent myself to certain people. Whether I be too this or too that I come out of it knowing I didn't really show what I was or demonstrate what I meant.

Alas, such is life. Some things never change.

Tonight, I was really bored so I took an active role in conversing. It turned out to be somewhat eventful. I got a nice story about Rascal, Teddy, and Harry. And some other shit.

Why is it that I'm unable to grasp the fact that the AP Chem test is on Thursday and I'm in denial of my failing grades. YAY.

JOIN KEY CLUB.

I'm not really a bad ass. And if you think I try to be, I'm sorry... because I try not to try to be. Hehe. I'm sweet as fuck though! JUST JOKIN! Yippeee....

Only human. I don't want to be a mean, bad person. Really I don't.

Oh yeah, my weekend was interesting. I did nothing Friday night besides sleep. Saturday I went out to lunch with my sister and my mom and picked up my pictures and went out to this party. I had a fun day. Sunday I did homework and shit.

Hmph.

later days.

I might as well obey Csillasoundinglikeawhale.

Today was a long day... I guess you can say it featured something of a let down for me, but in all seriousness, I'm very grateful for what I came out with. It should be interesting.

Key Club was fun, woo woo... thanks to the TWO people that actually showed up for the meeting. I'm pretty excited about changing things. It will be good.

It's amazing to me how some people claim they are mature and then resort to tattle tales when it comes down to it. Makes me laugh... geez. Some people never grow up.

This weird English teacher guy that watched our math class was all encouraging me to fight the guys that were sitting around me. What the hell? Yeah that's right, I could kick all y'alls asses. Heh.

Ignorance is a hard quality to ignore, regardless of how awesome the person is. Think before you speak and realize what your saying isn't the only possibility. Dammit.

I watched Dr. Greene's last episode of ER tonight and bawled. Like hysterically... I have issues with this whole tv and movies making me cry. Lately I have been giving up all barriers of my emotion to good entertainment. So what if my brother thinks I'm crazy, I'm allowed. At least I'm living it up. Too bad it's through movies and tv and books and plays.

It was the weirdest thing ever... tonight my whole family was in one room telling jokes. And there was no censorship, let me tell ya.

Okay well... that's going to be enough because my current life is consumed by how much I have to do in such a little amount of time as far as school goes. Icky.

Oh, whatever.

Constantly striving for that unattainable recognition and praise to drown the sorrows of self-loathing.

And thus, never content...

Sucks for me.

I'm tired... like it's not going away either. I fell asleep for like 3 or so hours today... and I woke up still tired. Sigh.

SAT II's weren't fun. I hate taking tests on Saturday mornings. Yay for the 2 more coming up next month!

Last night I had some good quality fun and conversation with Csilla and Anni. It was very nice.

Well this has been exciting.

"Inherently there's something good, something beautiful, in us "walking wounded"; there's a human being behind our cruel costuming. We're just bunraku, just puppeteers blurring the line between performer and vessel. Our Art is part of our suffering; our suffering is part of our Art; through it all we run the gamut of humanity."

Fuck yeah, Nigel. If only I had that amount of power over words, to mold them into such truths... sigh. If I had the balls (which I don't have figuratively or physically (coincidentally)) I would email him in praise... but this will have to do. He's a talented kid. Amazing.

I have had a good day. It had it's dark moment or two, but I am feeling sincerely good. I feel good because I have a friend... and I do know what's going on with him... and I'm so okay with it it's almost scary. This week has been a poster week for things happen for a reason, and I'm so fucking glad. Yum. Life is good, people are good, friends are good.

So, needless to say, I had the conversational release I desperately needed, and the feedback required.

And thus my aimless quest for the perfect guy charges on... who has the key to my chastity belt? (said in ghetto accent with Rachel Kingsbury). Hehe.

Mm... good.

It completely amuses me how much my personal outlook can change in a situation without any involvement of that other person it pertains to. Woo, that was a hell of a sentence right there.

Sigh, I just need to talk... converse... explore... express... I'm very "pent up" at the moment.

Get this over with already! EEEK.

I have a feeling the Spanish "field trip" is going to drive me up the mother fricken wall tomorrow... we'll see.

Maybe my dramatic woes of change are not all that bad.

I'm not afraid of change, and I can most definitely deal with it... yet my mind is able to give change gradeur and power.

I was reminded of why I have so much happiness when I'm around him today. I feel better about that.

Regardless, I still have the simple things... and that will be all I truly need.